Job Opportunity

I'm a professional grader. It's what I do. I've been told I'm a bit harsh, but I've never been told I'm unfair. In fact, I rather imagine that I'm harsh because I'm so very fair.

Now most of what I do essentially consists evaluating people's rhetorical arguments, whether it be in freshmen writing or more advanced literature classes. I try to teach my students to argue well, but, alas, I can't say that all of my students earn A grades. I can teach them what to do to earn A's, but there is no way I can compel them to follow directions.

Anyway, surfing the Internet, it becomes painfully clear that what is needed is some form of accountability and evaluation. Just scanning blogs or taking a quick look at feedback on Youtube makes it woefully obvious that some objective, rational eye needs to start assigning some kind of grade to feedback. It's a daunting task, and requires time that I do not always have to volunteer.

Thus, I am offering my services as an official Internet rhetoric grader. For a mere $70 an hour, I will read all the comments on your Website, and assign each comment a letter grade. For $100 an hour, I will even offer your commentators, liberal or conservative, online tutoring sessions to help them improve their presentation skills, argumentation, and rhetorical flourishes.

It is the least I can do to repay the Internet community for all it has given me.